calimac

How it's supposed to work

1. Place your grocery order online
2. Wait for an e-mail saying it's ready
3. Park outside the store, phone the number and tell them you're there
4. A clerk comes out with your groceries and loads them into your car

That's how it usually works, too. But not this week. We're at step 3:

3. Phone the number but it's broken. Get an intercept saying that voicemail needs to be set up.
4. Put mask on, go inside and report this at the customer service desk. They call the pickup people on an internal line and give your name (our account is under B's name).
5. After a longer than usual wait, clerk comes out with handcart and groceries.
6. As he's putting them in the car, notice they're not your groceries.
7. Clerk says there were two orders labeled Phillips; apparently he just guessed at random which was the right one.
8. Look at the sales slip, which is for someone whose first name is Phillip.
9. Clerk takes groceries back. After a longer than usual wait, he comes back without any groceries and a tale of how the sales slip wouldn't print.
10. Ask him to go back and get your groceries. He doesn't go. Apparently he's paralyzed by the missing sales slip.
11. Decide to get elementary. "Look, it's two simple steps. One, go inside and get my groceries. Two, bring them out and put them in my car." He still doesn't go.
12. Get even more elementary. "You put one foot in front of the other and go inside." He finally leaves.
13. Wait even longer. Half an hour. No clerk.
14. Return to customer service desk and report that you've been waiting an hour for your pickup.
15. Desk person is really startled to see you. The last she saw was step 5. Says she'll call the manager.
16. After only a few minutes, a man comes up and says, "Is there a problem?"
17. Say, "And you are?" "Brandon." "And you are ...?" After only a couple rounds of this, establish that he's the manager. It's not like he's in uniform or wearing a nametag or anything.
18. Recount items 1-14.
19. Manager goes off, returns quite soon with cart and groceries.
20. As he's loading them in the car, notice that one of the bags is still not yours. It's labeled for the guy from step 8.
21. Manager hands bag to assistant, tells him to put it back. Assistant is the same clerk from steps 5-12. Suspect that he's the entire cause of the problem.
22. Thank manager and go home, an hour late.