... I wasn't one

[calimac]

So Annette Bening and Bill Nighy are starring in a new movie about a long-married couple who break up. And although they didn't write the script, they have a lot to say about women, men, and relationships.

But of all they say, the part that most struck me was this:

“I don’t like the look of hardly any versions of being male, frankly,” says Nighy. “I never found those expressions of masculinity attractive. When I was younger I’d keep quiet in the company of men because I always felt that I wasn’t one.”

That I wasn't one. That really speaks to me: or did, when I too was younger. Teens, twenties. I didn't feel comfortable classing myself as a boy or man. That implied things I felt I was not. But I never thought I was a woman in the wrong body either. I didn't know what I was.

Eventually I grew comfortable with just being me, and knowing that other men felt the same. Perhaps Nighy did too; notice he speaks in the past tense. There is hope.

Comments

[sartorias]

I saw a discussion a while back about women who never felt like a woman as depicted in the media, which got right to me. So I think I get it.

[bibliofile]

Yeah, the representations in media have been fairly limited for most of our lives. It's changing some, but there's so far to go.

[ranunculus]

I'm coming from the other side of that equation, but very much with the same feelings. Little girls are supposed to want to play with dolls and all I wanted was the tractor toy set in the farm supply window. I think that for a time I toyed with the idea that I'd like to be a boy, but came to the conclusion it wouldn't change anything meaningful. Now, like you, I'm comfortable just being me.
I love the visual of the bell curve where only a small number of people are on any given point in the bell and the rest are somewhere else. That makes me think that there are probably lots of people who question who they really are but are swept along in those hyper male or female conversations because they want to fit in.

[cmcmck]

That quote sounds pretty familiar!