Vanessa

Nov. 21st, 2012 09:08 am
calimac: (Seven)
[personal profile] calimac
I came home last night from a week-long trip (going to have to write about that later, instead of now) to find that V., whom I'd known was back in the hospital, was in ICU - I'd already intended to visit today if she was capable of receiving - and the first thing I learn when I get up this morning is that she died last night. Oh no.

V's was one of my longest-standing and most vigorous friendships. At first she was an elusive will-o'-the-wisp, discernible only in apazines, whose corporeal existence was of dubious veracity. Then [livejournal.com profile] divertimento pinned her down and introduced us in a café in the City, and from then on, her boon companionship was a regular feature. For a while, we had an active social circle of Lasfapans (whatever those might be) in the Bay Area, until it broke up in an argument over the morality of maid service, if I recall. During this period, a newfound geographical proximity allowed her and APW to act on a long-standing interest in becoming sweeties, but experience taught them that while they didn't work out as a romantic couple, they fit together just fine as housemates. I don't know how the dynamics of that operated, and I'm not sure if they did either.

A and V were among the co-founders of the Bay Area English Regency Society, and its dance-balls were for long our favorite activity. We most liked to dance the Black Nag, because we could goof off while doing it, and annoy John Hertz. At one such dance soon after I joined LJ, she whispered to me that she was here too, as [livejournal.com profile] liveavatar.

For a while, V. edited a BAERS newsletter, for which I wrote sarcastic historical articles on the monarchy and Regency politics. She was always, always late to BAERS events at sf cons, because she'd always been off making last-minute photocopies of flyers. Eventually, health issues gradually sidelined us both.

V. could argue like the dickens. I think she was wrong, but then, I would say that, wouldn't I? She had the ability to persuade me into activities where my staid self would not normally be seen, like a Jamaica-themed party, or standing guard while she changed clothes in the middle of the sidewalk, or a hunt for ice cream at 2 AM. I also twice was among a passel helping her move house at peculiar hours of the night: more memorable scenes.

She was a performance artist and a journalist. She introduced me to the music of the Bobs. This was so long ago that they were still good. Sometimes we attended their concerts together.

More recently, when her health and schedule permitted, she was among those who accompanied me to classical concerts I review. She was studying harmony at a community college, and worked hard at it. Our last in-person conversation was a long late-evening chat over ice cream (that again!) at Tresidder after a concert at Dinkelspiel a few months ago. Among much else, she gave me a full account of the parlous state of her health, and confessed that it was the free public health services in San Mateo County that were keeping her alive. In another county, she would have died long since. I hope the people who oppose the likes of Obamacare are bitterly disappointed that she lasted as long as she did.

What especially bothers me is that she was 58. Not just that that's young: it's a fatal age. Arthur Sullivan, Charles Williams, Roger Zelazny, James Joyce, Andy Warhol, Richard Burton, George Harrison, so many greats gone at 58.

Here is V. when she was young:

Date: 2012-11-21 05:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vgqn.livejournal.com
I am shocked and sad to hear this! I never knew Vanessa very well, though we chatted amiably and had various circles of friends that overlapped. I had no idea her health issues were so serious. Damn.

Date: 2012-11-21 07:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] athenais.livejournal.com
I am genuinely shocked by her death. I didn't realize you were so close; in fact, I didn't realize how many friends she and I had in common, but it's all coming out now as we try to cope with this news. She shone brightly while she was here.

Date: 2012-11-21 07:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sartorias.livejournal.com
Oh, I am so sorry you lost this friend.

Date: 2012-11-21 07:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] randy-byers.livejournal.com
I'm sorry for the death of your friend. I only knew her distantly through LiveJournal, but I admired her tenacity in the face of her health problems, as well as her wide ranging curiosity and course of study. A bright spirit, as [livejournal.com profile] athenais says. I only learned her real name when she requested a copy of the Joanna Russ issue of Chunga this year.

Date: 2012-11-21 08:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] holyoutlaw.livejournal.com
I only knew her through LiveJournal and Facebook, but liked what I knew. Thanks for the details and information.

Date: 2012-11-21 09:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smofbabe.livejournal.com
Thanks for the photo. APW's news was a real shock, although I'd been following her medical news through her posts and his. Hang in there.

Date: 2012-11-22 03:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wild-irises.livejournal.com
We were reasonably close decades ago, and I always liked her, though I haven't seen her in many years. I read this morning that she was dead, and I was really sad and shocked. I had not known she was ill.

Thanks for writing about her.

Date: 2012-11-22 05:14 am (UTC)
ext_12246: (Default)
From: [identity profile] thnidu.livejournal.com
I don't think I knew her at all, but I grieve with your loss of a friend. May her memory be a blessing. (God, I'm having to say that way too much!)

Date: 2012-11-22 05:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] irontongue.livejournal.com
Damn - I was able to confirm elsewhere that this is the Vanessa I knew. Believe we were in an apa together in the late 80s. I'm so sorry to hear of her death.

Date: 2012-11-22 06:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cawatnganypa.livejournal.com
I'm sorry that it took your loss and my desire to offer condolences in this venue for me to set up a new LJ account. But here I am, your little brother, with a new identity. I am very sorry that you lost a friend at a rather young age; that definitely has to hurt.

Hint on my new LJ I.D.: it has something to do with my moving around a lot.


Date: 2012-11-25 04:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ookpik.livejournal.com
I am so sorry for your loss.
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