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hamburglar
Sep. 10th, 2010 12:39 pmMy canonical hamburger is thick and juicy, hand-patted and grilled by my father and served on a lightly toasted bun with my choice of toppings. I had many such hamburgers in my childhood (in those days, my choice of toppings was: none; I'm a little more flexible now), which perhaps accounts for my extreme revulsion at the plastic, rubberized, unappetizing things served by the likes of what in childhood I took to calling Booger King and Yuck-in-the-Box. (McDonald's also qualifies for this distaste, but I could never think of a good enough insult name for them.) Wendy's is OK, and Carl's Jr. is acceptable, but in the absence of a good local place that serves real hamburgers - around here, Kirk's and Clarke's - the chains are otherwise a vast wasteland of inedibility.
Some years ago, a local LA chain called In-n-Out migrated up north, carrying a good reputation. Overcoming an aversion to the name, which sounds like a laxative, I tried it. I found a sandwich piled high with thick, juicy-looking toppings like lettuce and tomato, all very well if you want them on your hamburger which I don't, and somewhere among them was hiding an undersized, dried-out beef patty. I was incredulous. This was the great American hamburger? I am convinced, instead, that In-n-Out is the real-life basis for the hamburger parodied in Wendy's famous "Where's the beef?" commercials.
In-n-Out fans raised hackles at my tale. They insisted it couldn't be like that. I went back twice to two other outlets, and they were all like that. I understand, also, that you can get specialized combos that might be more to my taste if you memorize the secret menu that they don't post in the stores, but I don't want to have to deal with that.
So forget In-n-Out, on top of which I now hear from hamburger connoisseurs that their quality is falling off. Now I hear of another chain migrating out this way called Five Guys. Yesterday I found one of their outlets and tried it. This is the real thing: a hamburger that while cooked well-done is still thick and juicy, and all the toppings are listed on the board as your choice, so you don't have to feel as if you're asking them for a favor to get what you want. I ordered a burger with bacon, grilled onions, green pepper (never had that on a burger before), and bbq sauce. The bacon was excellent: thick and wet, not dried out; the onions and peppers went well with it; the sauce was pretty undetectable and I'll have to experiment further here.
On top of which, at the front of the store there's a big box of roasted peanuts in the shell, a scoop, and a stack of paper bowls, so you can munch on free peanuts while you wait (not long). So: Five Guys. Worth checking out.
Don't ask me about the French fries. I don't eat French fries.
Some years ago, a local LA chain called In-n-Out migrated up north, carrying a good reputation. Overcoming an aversion to the name, which sounds like a laxative, I tried it. I found a sandwich piled high with thick, juicy-looking toppings like lettuce and tomato, all very well if you want them on your hamburger which I don't, and somewhere among them was hiding an undersized, dried-out beef patty. I was incredulous. This was the great American hamburger? I am convinced, instead, that In-n-Out is the real-life basis for the hamburger parodied in Wendy's famous "Where's the beef?" commercials.
In-n-Out fans raised hackles at my tale. They insisted it couldn't be like that. I went back twice to two other outlets, and they were all like that. I understand, also, that you can get specialized combos that might be more to my taste if you memorize the secret menu that they don't post in the stores, but I don't want to have to deal with that.
So forget In-n-Out, on top of which I now hear from hamburger connoisseurs that their quality is falling off. Now I hear of another chain migrating out this way called Five Guys. Yesterday I found one of their outlets and tried it. This is the real thing: a hamburger that while cooked well-done is still thick and juicy, and all the toppings are listed on the board as your choice, so you don't have to feel as if you're asking them for a favor to get what you want. I ordered a burger with bacon, grilled onions, green pepper (never had that on a burger before), and bbq sauce. The bacon was excellent: thick and wet, not dried out; the onions and peppers went well with it; the sauce was pretty undetectable and I'll have to experiment further here.
On top of which, at the front of the store there's a big box of roasted peanuts in the shell, a scoop, and a stack of paper bowls, so you can munch on free peanuts while you wait (not long). So: Five Guys. Worth checking out.
Don't ask me about the French fries. I don't eat French fries.
