the text police

[calimac]

I realize there are far more important things going on in this article, but what caught my eye in this story of dating gone wrong was the description of this as suspicious in the man's behavior: "Over the four weeks that they chatted virtually, though, he was 'hot and cold'—sometimes going silent for eight hours."

Eight hours? That's how long an average human being goes silent every day because they're asleep. I've never been used to instantaneous back-and-forth message communication, not even on e-mail, and I certainly wouldn't tolerate it now. If anyone started sending me messages at a rate at which an eight-hour gap was considered 'going silent,' I'd have to ask them to stop. The idea of being tied down to my mobile phone like that is horrifying. (When would I have the time to charge it?)

All this was going on by text, of course, and the above even leaves aside the fact that I hate texting anyway. I'm a touch typist, and any form of typing which doesn't allow me to place eight fingers on the home keys is anathema to me, I just hate it. It's even annoying at the desktop computer when I have to use one hand to hold a cat which wants to sit on my chest; cat cuddling is compatible with reading or watching videos, not writing. I will only text to send a short message for business purposes, and even then only if my recipient clearly expects it that way. Fortunately I only deal with a couple of people who are like that.

I admit that in a noisy situation, texting eliminates the problem of not being able to hear a voice call. Though I've found that, when trying to send a text in a fast-moving situation - we're both in the same building and need to meet right away, that sort of thing - the situation is usually changed (e.g. the other person has actually found me) before I can finish writing the text.

This is rendered worse because I keep getting the backspace and delete buttons on my phone mixed up in my mind. I make a typo and want to change that one last character, and suddenly find I've erased the entire message and have to start over.

I hate texting, and I won't do casual chatting that way. Thank the Lord I'm married to a woman as quiet as I am and I'm permanently out of the dating market.

Comments

[andrewducker]

Plus people go out to things. And have work. 8 hour gaps seem perfectly reasonable to me!

[adrian_turtle]

I agree that there are lots of other things going on in the situation. A cautious person would have honored her discomfort with his behavior at the beginning of the in-person date, and walked out of the bar. (I recognize this can be hard, and I'm not blaming her.) A very cautious person would not have met at a bar, especially in a city where she doesn't have any friends to look out for her. But she's unfamiliar with online dating, and she might never have been on a date with a stranger. Lots of people start romantic relationships with friends or friends-of-friends.

There may not have been any red flags in their month of online interaction. Some people prefer text, some prefer phone or email. I think she's looking back and wanting to see some kind of red flag that she just didn't notice because she was inexperienced. If bad guys always announce themselves before the first date, she just needs to learn how to recognize the announcements and then she'll be safe.

[sartorias]

I'm another who hates texting. I have bad arthritis in my thumbs so thumb testing is not on. I'm slowly learning to text with my forefinger but I loathe it. Takes forever.

[wild_patience]

Until I die, hon, until I die. Remember, I get to go first. (But you don't have to remarry or even date if you don't want to.)

[sturgeonslawyer]

I recently had to tell someone a couple of ranks above me (and a step sideways) that the memo they'd sent to the *ENTIRE EFFING COMPANY* had informed us that a certain opportunity would expire on "March 31, 3035." They hastily sent out a correction.

[calimac]

Things that happen, if not inevitably, Too Often:

An announcement of an event where the day of the week contradicts the date. (It is not necessarily obvious which is correct.)

Directions to someone's house where "turn left" is specified where "turn right" is meant, or vice versa. (This is why I always consult a map.)