hamburglar

[calimac]

My canonical hamburger is thick and juicy, hand-patted and grilled by my father and served on a lightly toasted bun with my choice of toppings. I had many such hamburgers in my childhood (in those days, my choice of toppings was: none; I'm a little more flexible now), which perhaps accounts for my extreme revulsion at the plastic, rubberized, unappetizing things served by the likes of what in childhood I took to calling Booger King and Yuck-in-the-Box. (McDonald's also qualifies for this distaste, but I could never think of a good enough insult name for them.) Wendy's is OK, and Carl's Jr. is acceptable, but in the absence of a good local place that serves real hamburgers - around here, Kirk's and Clarke's - the chains are otherwise a vast wasteland of inedibility.

Some years ago, a local LA chain called In-n-Out migrated up north, carrying a good reputation. Overcoming an aversion to the name, which sounds like a laxative, I tried it. I found a sandwich piled high with thick, juicy-looking toppings like lettuce and tomato, all very well if you want them on your hamburger which I don't, and somewhere among them was hiding an undersized, dried-out beef patty. I was incredulous. This was the great American hamburger? I am convinced, instead, that In-n-Out is the real-life basis for the hamburger parodied in Wendy's famous "Where's the beef?" commercials.

In-n-Out fans raised hackles at my tale. They insisted it couldn't be like that. I went back twice to two other outlets, and they were all like that. I understand, also, that you can get specialized combos that might be more to my taste if you memorize the secret menu that they don't post in the stores, but I don't want to have to deal with that.

So forget In-n-Out, on top of which I now hear from hamburger connoisseurs that their quality is falling off. Now I hear of another chain migrating out this way called Five Guys. Yesterday I found one of their outlets and tried it. This is the real thing: a hamburger that while cooked well-done is still thick and juicy, and all the toppings are listed on the board as your choice, so you don't have to feel as if you're asking them for a favor to get what you want. I ordered a burger with bacon, grilled onions, green pepper (never had that on a burger before), and bbq sauce. The bacon was excellent: thick and wet, not dried out; the onions and peppers went well with it; the sauce was pretty undetectable and I'll have to experiment further here.

On top of which, at the front of the store there's a big box of roasted peanuts in the shell, a scoop, and a stack of paper bowls, so you can munch on free peanuts while you wait (not long). So: Five Guys. Worth checking out.

Don't ask me about the French fries. I don't eat French fries.

Comments

As usual, I have the perfect icon

[wordweaverlynn.livejournal.com]

You like your bacon wet? Chacon a son gout.

To me, the burgers at In-n-Out are OK -- I like the toasted bun, and I get them with cheese and pickles only. The entire point of going to In-n-Out is the french fries. When I enter the store my fries are generally still a potato. They're sliced and fried while I wait -- and I always get them extra brown. The only thing lacking is malt vinegar to dip them in.

[akirlu.livejournal.com]

Well, it does my heart good to hear Kirk's is still around. It was where my family went when I was a kid, and that's still my standard for what a local burger joint should be like. I do like In-N-Out burgers, but unlike the diehards, I think your critique is spot on -- their beef patties are undersized and thin and especially if you're the sort of person who doesn't go for the vegetables, it's not the world's best burger.

Like you, I prefer a juicy, even a messy, burger so I was very pleased to be directed to the Five Guys in our neck of the woods and discover that I like them very much. I think they're miles better than In-N-Out, and because I see similarities in approach, in my Yelp review I characterized them as "In-N-Out done right". But you can't tell that to the die hard In-N-Out fans, that's religion, not taste.

I can't remember if they ever made it to the Bay Area, and I have no idea if they've maintained their standards, but I do fondly remember Fuddruckers as doing a good version of the sort of burger you like. Like Kirk's of old, all their toppings and condiments are self-serve after you get your burger and they would let you choose your level of done-ness.

[kalimac.livejournal.com]

The original Kirk's, the one on California St. in P.A. without a sign in front, is long gone, and the substitute locations have never seemed to me quite the same, but there's three of them and they seem to do pretty well.

There's some Fuddruckers in the East Bay. I haven't been to any of them, because I can think of other things I'd rather eat if I'm going in that direction than a hamburger, but I did eat at one in Chicago many years ago, and remain grateful to them for the reasons I told in this post.

[akirlu.livejournal.com]

The Kirk's I grew up with is the one in Campbell, on S. Bascom, and appears to be still there, although, after a major renovation, is unlikely to be very much like the knotty pine and tuck-and-roll vinyl booth man cave I remember. But then, nothing stays the same. I remember when Togo's had only three or four storefronts and made the world's best sandwiches.

[akirlu.livejournal.com]

Funny, I discovered Suzanne Vega through MTV. She actually had a video out for "Marlene on the Wall" that may not have gotten played more than the one time I saw it, but it stayed with me until I hooked up with Hal a few years later -- he had the first album on tape.

[lisa-marli.livejournal.com]

Where is the Five Guys? I've heard they are good, now I know.

Re: As usual, I have the perfect icon

[akirlu.livejournal.com]

To each his own indeed. I've never cared much for In-N-Out fries. The need for speed plus starting with fresh potatoes means they only single-fry their fries. You can't get a good French fry without double frying.

[kalimac.livejournal.com]

The Campbell one I haven't been to.

[kalimac.livejournal.com]

Giant shopping center along Curtner, that runs west from Monterey Hwy. This place is hard to find in there, but it's near the Famous Dave's BBQ, which is visible from the street. I think they may be opening up more outlets soon, but that's not too far from you.

[gerisullivan.livejournal.com]

I'm not a big burger eater, but I see Five Guys is within striking distance of me. Your review makes me want to try them.

My favorite fast food burger by far is at Culver's. They're not in California yet; Arizona is as close as it gets. But the next time you're in the midwest, I recommend giving them a try. They're not thick the way homemade patties are, but it's clear they're made of real ground beef and they're juicy, too. The rest of their menu also shines -- they even have a beef pot roast sandwich (and a pot roast dinner) in addition to their shaved prime rib sandwich. Not your usual fast food fare.

The fact that I like their french fries won't be of interest to you. How do you feel about frozen custard?

[holyoutlaw.livejournal.com]

Culver's is a must-stop whenever we're in Madison. Other folks must eat at L'Etoile. For us, it's Culver's.

[akirlu.livejournal.com]

Dottie Dumplings.

[kalimac.livejournal.com]

I like ice cream. Frozen custard is good, too.

I'd be very interested in pot roast if I could get it without potato.

[chorale.livejournal.com]

If you're ever in San Diego county, you'll have to give Burger Lounge (http://burgerlounge.com/menu/) a try. They have four locations here. Their burger is pretty thick by my definition, and it's juicy. They have a list of condiments on their menu board, so you can ask for it without lettuce, tomato, choice of fresh or grilled onion, 1000 island dressing, or cheese; the sum of their list. Their buns, which they make with a skosh of molasses, are grilled to a medium color. In addition to beef, they serve turkey and quinoa burgers. They also have salads, chicken tenders, fries, onion rings, and Mexican Coke. If you drink, they have a couple of premium beers. Their market is definitely upscale with their burgers costing $7.95, but they are good.

[cynthia1960.livejournal.com]

I want frozen custard when I go to Culver's.

[cynthia1960.livejournal.com]

Excellent; will have to check it out.

[kalimac.livejournal.com]

There's one in Fremont too, at Auto Mall and 880.

[cynthia1960.livejournal.com]

Hm. There's an In-N-Out over there too in order to facilitate comparison testing. Ah, what I do for science.

[benjd.livejournal.com]

There is a Five Guys across the street from the law school. I have never eaten there, given my general aversion to fast-food beef burgers and my assumption that a burger place on or near a college campus will likely not be very good due to the not so discriminating and "I'll eat anything" taste of college students. But, based on your recommendation, I shall try it. Perhaps the next time I'm out your way, we can try one of the local burger joints to which you refer favorably in your post.

[kalimac.livejournal.com]

If your tastes coordinate with mine, as described in the first paragraph, then you should like this one.